The Cross-Continental Cheezie Showdown


Isn’t technology amazing?

It allows us to do things like cross-continental Hawkins’ Cheezie competitions. Allow me to explain. I forget how it started, or who fired the first shot across the bow, talking smack about Cheezies being bigger in Newfoundland or BC, but let’s just say it has escalated to full-scale Cheez-powdered warfare.


First of all, if you have never tried Hawkins’ Cheezies, you are living in a state of sad purgatory, so stop right now, close your browser, take off your bathrobe, take the rollers out of your hair (or not) and put on some shoes and go to your corner store and buy a bag of these crunchy, delectable, snacks bursting with “Real Cheez” flavour. They are hands down, the best, the most delicious snack food ever invented. All of those puffed, American-style inflated tube cheezies are not even in the same universe as Hawkins. And I am pausing here because I realized that they are probably only available in Canada. So to the rest of the world, my sincere regrets on your half-realized snack lives.

Ok I got distracted there, thinking about rummaging around in that delectably crunchy bag for the “mini cheezies” that are at the bottom, the ones most coated in cheezy flavour….

Anyways, back to the Cheezie competition.

You see, Hawkins’ Cheezies, unlike their counterfeit, Sponge-Bob American cousins, are completely irregular in shape. As I eluded to in the previous paragraph, some are minute, like a grain of rice; others are four, even five inches long. At the grocery store, my dad scours the racks of see through orange tinted cellophane looking for the bag with the biggest, ripest, most neon-hued cheezies, the way a vintner might walk amongst his rows of heritage Tuscan grapes, smelling and fondling them and using his finely-tuned sense of smell and intuition to determine the optimum harvest time. I think this is where it started.


Anyways, the photos started with a trickle…. my mom with her Crackberry, snapping a few Cheezie Challengers…. escalating (as any competition does, in my family anyways) to us volleying back a whole RAFT of 4-plus inchers; to the most extreme of extremes…..

Wait for it…..

My brother sent me this on Christmas Eve. It made me feel loved like no amount of presents possibly could. What more could a girl want for Christmas than a giant Cheezie? I mean, really?





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