Vacation Blubber: Meet Mr. Gym Membership


So, it can’t be often in your life, when you have a week, at home, by yourself, with absolutely nothing – and I mean  NOTHING! – you  have to do. Other than the dishes. And take out the garbage. And maybe shower once in awhile. My man had to go back to work today, but I don’t go back for another week – hence the week, as-of-yet-unheard of, remote-control domination; bed and couch occupation.  And although I plan on revelling in this, I have this feeling like I don’t want to waste such a blessed snippet of my existence on simply stuffing my face with Cheezies and watching re-runs of Say Yes to the Dress. I want this week to matter.

So although I started my day with a cigarette, that’s it folks — no more. This is going to be Healthy Week. I finally forked out for a legitimate gym membership. I got sick of trying to scam my local gym into letting me use all the “First Time Customer” coupons (although I DID score at least 25 FREE visits with this strategy). And it turned out to be not so bad of a deal at all. And by paying an extra $50, you have the priviledge of putting your membership on hold for as long as you want, and the payments are suspended. Awesome! I think this will be a great motivator, because it will take some serious shame to call up and say, “Yeah, I’m not planning on using this for the next few weeks….. just put it on hold….” in fact, just writing that makes me want to go to the gym RIGHT NOW, even though I was just there and just did a ridiculously hard spin class. Here’s the thing though, I weighed myself, which I definitely should not have done. And it’s one of those old-fashioned sliding bar scales, and I did the usual — slid out the 100 and then proceeded to kick the “one-pounder” out from zero, breezing through the “impossible” twenties and thirties, expecting it to stop somewhere in the high 140’s…. but oh…. oh SHIT!! No you’ve got to be KIDDING ME!!! I had to start back at square one with the big, FAT 150 slider. Yeah, that’s going to end, and quickly. I was on vacation, people!! (An awesome vacation at that — which I will probably elaborate on later).

So yes, this week is going to be Getting my Ass Back into Shape week. I didn’t eat any junk food or drink any liquor today, which is amazing considering the previous three weeks are all a blur of Pina Coladas, Rum Punch, Nachos, Beer, Cheesecake, Wine, Pizza, Beer, Dark n’ Stormys, Bailey’s, Cheeseburgers, ice cream, and scotch. Yes, it was an epically awesome vacation. But now it’s time to buckle down and recover. And give my poor liver a breather.


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